I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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