so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
