Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
