Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
