I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They have beer where we have blood.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
