Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
