someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
