I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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