a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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