is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
