I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
