why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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