New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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