her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
