If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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