You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
