I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
