So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
