If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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