There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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