smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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