You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
