He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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