Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
