Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
