Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
