Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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