I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
