Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
