you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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