That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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