Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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