I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
