We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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