i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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