So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
