He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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