I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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