I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
