i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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