I think scott just propositioned me for sex
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
