I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
