Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
