kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
