Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
