apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
