Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
