hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
