can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
