Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
