i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
